Sarcastic Sunday: Dear Mr. President — When Remi Taught You About Pharaoh, Did She Say You’re the Moses?

By Mohammed Bello Doka

When I saw the video of President Bola Ahmed Tinubu describing how his wife, being a pastor, taught him the Bible and the story of Moses, peace be upon him, and the Pharaoh, as usual I felt a light bulb burst in my head. Wait, so this man we were told has memorized the Qur’an does not even know that there is a story of Moses, peace be upon him, and Pharaoh in the Qur’an? The same Moses who appears in the Qur’an more than any other prophet? The same Pharaoh who is named in the Qur’an dozens of times? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this week’s edition of Sarcastic Sunday with Mohammed Bello Doka, where we study Nigeria’s political gymnastics sarcastically laced with humor, because doing otherwise will choke us to death. We smile so we don’t cry, even when the comedy tilts towards tragedy.

This week, the President has reminded us of a very important and one of the most consequential lessons in the history of leadership. And to be fair to him, it is a lesson worth studying. The trouble is that he may have studied the story without checking which character he was reading about.

But make no mistake. Tinubu is not Moses. I am not saying that, and I will never say he is Pharaoh. But let he that has ears listen and answer this question honestly: is Tinubu closer to Moses or to Pharaoh? In today’s Nigeria, would Moses be in the Presidential Villa, or would he be leading us out to the Red Sea?

Consider the difference. Moses was a prophet, dissatisfied with the corruption, the murder, the hunger, the killings, and the suffering of his people. He was righteous, and he was angry at injustice, and he wanted to provide succor, ease, and a better life for his people without inflicting harm on others. Pharaoh, on the other hand, was a king. He was powerful. He controlled the army, the judges, every institution. He had power over life and death.

In Pharaoh’s Egypt there was no opposition. There was no room for disagreement with the leadership. There was only one supreme, absolute power concentrated at the center. The chiefs fell in line, the magicians were mobilized, and anyone who spoke against the throne was either a magician, a liar, or an enemy of the state. Tinubu and everyone who follows him should answer honestly to themselves: is Tinubu closer to Pharaoh or to Moses?

Now let us be categorical. Nigeria today is bedevilled with corruption, bloodshed, and outright stealing by public officials. Almost every condition that gave rise to Moses is visible, apparent, and manifest in Nigeria today. The conditions are here. The bondage is here. What is missing is Moses.

Do not take my word for it. Take the numbers. On corruption, Transparency International’s Corruption Perceptions Index scored Nigeria 26 out of 100 and ranked us 142nd out of 182 countries, below the global average and below the sub-Saharan African average. On bloodshed, SBM Intelligence documented at least 20,115 people abducted across Nigeria between July 2023 and June 2026, with 7,825 abducted and 1,142 killed in the most recent year alone, and N81.9 billion demanded in ransom over three years. ORFA, working from ACLED data, put the six-year toll at 79,323 killed in the context of terror, of which 42,033 were civilians. On outright stealing, the EFCC has flagged N1.230 trillion allegedly siphoned out of Nigeria in one year through illicit financial flows, and the NNPC refinery probe is examining 2.95 billion dollars allocated for the rehabilitation of three state-owned refineries, broken down as 1.559 billion dollars for Port Harcourt, 740.7 million dollars for Kaduna, and 657 million dollars for Warri, with over N5 billion and 10 million dollars recovered so far and investigators pursuing an additional N10 billion and 13 million dollars. On suffering, the National Bureau of Statistics reported headline inflation at 15.15 percent in December 2025 after a methodology rebasing, with a twelve-month average of 23.01 percent and food inflation averaging 22.00 percent. Every condition that produced Moses is here. The only thing missing is Moses.

So let us ask the question that the data boys will not ask. If Moses were to be a Nigerian in current Nigeria, would he be happy with its leaders? Above all, would Moses be in the corridors of power, talk more of being the president? The answer is no. In the Bible, Moses was raised in Pharaoh’s house but refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, choosing to be mistreated with his people rather than enjoy the pleasures of power. In the Qur’an, he grew up in Pharaoh’s household but was never of it. He struck back against an Egyptian, fled, spent years in Midian as a shepherd, and only returned as an outsider confronting the throne. Moses left the palace to save his people. Our man entered the palace to save himself. You cannot be Moses from inside Pharaoh’s court.

In today’s Nigeria, Moses will definitely not be in the Villa. He will most likely be arrested somewhere, with a judge asking for the Pope and the Emir of Saudi as surety to release him on bail. The data boys will accuse him of being an enemy of the state. They will call it treason. And if Pharaoh were to pay handsomely, or even if there were a little indication that he might pay, the same data boys, the same religious leaders, and the so-called academics will eulogise him. They will call him the representative of God on earth. Pharaoh’s magicians called Moses a magician too. The accusation is older than the throne.

And this is the part that should keep us awake at night. In the days of Pharaoh, those who benefited from him, those in his corridor of power, also thought he was the best that ever ruled. The Qur’an does not say the majority of Egyptians lined up behind Pharaoh. It says the chiefs and the beneficiaries did, while the broader population was described as the weak and the oppressed. So the precise claim is this: those who benefit from the system defend it, and in Nigeria that beneficiary class is large enough to sound like a majority. If Pharaoh were to pay handsomely today, majority of Nigerians, as we see today, will not only support him but will declare him the best leader that ever ruled.

So when you say Tinubu is no Moses, the framework sharpens the contrast. Moses was the one who fled power and came back reluctantly to confront it. Pharaoh was the one who sat on the throne and claimed it was his by right. The presence of Moses-conditions does not produce a Moses automatically. The conditions are the test, not the proof. Nigeria has the bondage without the deliverer. It has the Pharaoh architecture without anyone refusing to sit in it. That is precisely why we can say categorically that Tinubu is no Moses, not because the crisis is absent, but because the crisis is present and the response has been to manage it, not confront it.

Remi taught him the story well. She just may not have told him which character he was reading about. And so we end this week’s edition with a question for the President and for every Nigerian who still has ears: when the story of Moses and Pharaoh is read in the Villa, who is sitting on the throne, and who is standing outside the gate asking for bail? He that has ears, let him hear. We smile so we don’t cry, even when the comedy tilts towards tragedy. This is Mohammed Bello Doka, and this has been Sarcastic Sunday.

Mohammed Bello Doka can be reached via bellodoka82@gmail.com